


Welcome to Hogwarts

by keepitdreamin



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, M/M, Welcome to Night Vale Secret Santa, cecilos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:30:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5401331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepitdreamin/pseuds/keepitdreamin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a new boy at Hogwarts with perfect hair.</p><p>Basically, Night Vale, but at Hogwarts!</p><p>(Title is lame I know)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ask-stevecarlsberg](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ask-stevecarlsberg).



> They prompted "Cecil and Carlos in their budding romance" and mentioned liking AUs, so, basically, exactly what I love to write. I decided on a Hogwarts AU because it simply would NOT get out of my mind. 
> 
> I don't think you need to be very familiar with Harry Potter (God knows I haven't read it in a while) beyond some basic world building, like the moving staircases, house elves, quidditch, etc. and there are no Harry Potter characters present.

When Carlos was younger, he was a “climber.” When something was out of reach, he had no problem climbing over and on anything to reach it. He saw things differently, could look at the kitchen and know exactly where to step, what to move, where to hold on, to reach the top of the fridge with no trouble. His parents saw this and gushed about his intelligence, about how he was a problem-solver, about how they bet he was going to grow up to be some kind of famous adventurer or scientist one day. Unbeknownst to them, Carlos's abuela just smiled and watched with amusement as he made a leap that, by the laws of physics, should have landed him in the hospital with a broken arm, but instead left him holding the book he'd wanted to read.

By the time Carlos was 11, he knew for a fact he was different. He saw things that the other kids, and most adults, didn't, and his thoughts always seemed to be racing in a different direction that none of them were able to follow. His parents still thought he was a genius and got him books and books on science and physics and math, but in none of these did he find an explanation for the _other_ things he could do. He could make impossible jumps, and, if he concentrated hard enough, he was able to float, just a little bit, over the ground. And there was that one time when Carlos hadn't finished a book report on Old Yeller before he had to go to bed, but in the morning, there was the full two pages of Carlos's thoughts in his own handwriting. He went to the library and found books on psychology, on disorders and disassociation, but none of them seemed to _quite_ fit, so he kept it to himself whenever these extraordinary things happened to him.

Then came the letter and the Professor who explained to him _how_ he was special and that there was a place at The University of What It Is for him. Carlos was relieved- finally there was an explanation that fit, one that made sense even if it seemed a little far-fetched at first. His parents were, understandably, shocked but his abuela just smiled and patted his hand. _“Go on then. We'll be fine here.”_

Carlos spent five wonderful years at the University of What It Is learning and exploring his abilities and the boundaries of magic itself. Then in his sixth year of study with a focus on Magical Theory and Potions, Carlos was given another amazing opportunity: the chance to study at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to finish his education at the most prestigious institute of Magical learning in the world.

As he packed his bags full of both Muggle and Wizard books, checked and double-checked that he had enough supplies to get him through the year, and hugged his parents and abuela goodbye once again, Carlos couldn't help but feel excited. He knew that Hogwarts was going to be the best place he would ever go. Of this, he was absolutely sure.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Drink the potion. Go on, I _dare_ you.

Welcome to Hogwarts.

Hello listeners. I've been asked to start off this broadcast by reading this notice:

The Student Council would like to remind you that the Forbidden Forest is strictly and completely off limits. Students are not permitted in the forest. Teachers are not permitted in the forest. You may see mysterious cloaked figures lingering about the forest edge.

**DO NOT APPROACH THEM. DO NOT APPROACH THE FORBIDDEN FOREST.**

“Seriously,” Pamela Winchell, 7th year Slytherin and President of the Student Council, added, “even if you really need a private place to snog or _whatever_ , this is not it.” She went on to subtly recommend the tunnels surrounding Greenhouse 5 as an alternative. “Just remember to cast the appropriate charms or you'll be covered in dirt.” She shrugged, “Or not, if that's your thing.”

Old Woman Josie, who lives in a small cottage near the Shrieking Shack, would like to extend an invitation to all Hogwarts students.

She… did not provide us with any more information about _what_ exactly the invitation was for or _when_ we could expect it, but she claims it  will be extended. So, wanted or not, be on the lookout for Old Woman Josie's invitation!

A new boy arrived at school today. Who is he? Why is he here? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful cloak? More on this newcomer later.

If there are 50 people in a classroom and 12 of them are identical twins, 15 others have taken polyjuice potion and 20 of them have invisibility cloaks, how many tears will you shed before completing your exam?

This has been your O.W.L. Fun Fact Study Corner. Today's problem was, of course, on Numerology.

A fight broke out over the Quidditch pitch today during the Gryffindor practice. According to witnesses, Hiram McDaniels, 6th year Captain of the Gryffindor team took offense to some insults carefully lobbed at him from the stands. Hiram performed an 180 spin on his broom and dove, screaming, at the offending stands.

Three students have been admitted to the Hospital Wing with extreme burns and hair loss, and Hiram himself appears to be growing anywhere from one to three extra heads. We here at the Hogwarts Community Radio wish everybody- and their assorted number of heads- a speedy recovery.

An “inside source” has informed us that Carlos- for that is the new students name, _Carlos_ \- is a 6th year and has been sorted into Ravenclaw. They also inform us, in between giggles, that he's AMERICAN and his accent is simply to die for.

And now a word from our sponsors:

“Butyraceous.”

John Peters, you know, the Caretaker, has asked students to please be mindful of the seemingly vacant field behind Greenhouse 3. It is _NOT_ vacant and, in fact, holds John's enter crop of invisible corn. As we all know, invisible corn is a staple within the Hogwarts kitchen and dinners would simply _not_ be the same without it.

Carlos was in attendance during today's meeting of the Muggle-Wizard Relations Club. I, in my capacity as journalist for Hogwarts Community Radio, was also in attendance, and I can indeed confirm earlier reports that Carlos's accent is “to die for.”

Carlos told us that we are, by far, the most interesting magical school he'd ever visited. His voice was soft but firm and his hair fell around his face perfectly. He smiled and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly.

Now, I bring you, sighing and despairing over perfect hair, to the Weather.

[[The Darkness Between the Fireflie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29jNdMsjnyA)[s- Mason Jennings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29jNdMsjnyA)]

Over the break, Assistant Dana- also a 6th year Ravenclaw- compiled some information on our newest- and most perfect- student, Carlos. According to Dana's finding, Carlos was raised in Brooklyn as a Muggle and attended the University of What It Is in America. He is particularly fascinated with the Muggle science and how they work with and around magic. Do you hear that listeners? Smart AND Sexy.

[Sighing and papers rustling]

An update on a previous story.

Hiram McDaniels, formerly one-headed Gryffindor, has indeed grown four extra heads- each a different color. He has been taken to St. Mungo's for studies but vows- actually, listeners, he yelled it quite loudly, almost in a kind of a roar, _right_ in my ear- to be in attendance during next week's match against Slytherin.

Other Gryffindor- and Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff- students have begun petitioning faculty to allow McDaniels to resume his spot on the team as a single entity, no matter how many heads he has. Janice Rio- resident Quidditch expert and _excellent_ poster maker- says that some of the rules still standing in Quidditch are outdated and just generally discriminatory against multi-headed beings. Janice- holding a cleverly done up sign flashing the words “Do a **body** count- NOT a head count”- is appealing these rules on behalf of McDaniels and any other multi-headed beings now or in the future.

The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in All of Our Dorms, who has been around longer than she'd care to say and seen many, many developments in history, had this to comment on the attempted rule change: “Statistically speaking, there is a spider on each and every one of you at any given moment.”

Well, listeners, with our evening drawing to a close, I leave you with this thought.

You stare at the moon. It is bright and beautiful and reflects nicely on the lake and its hidden depths. It reminds you of times long past and you reminisce for a moment of your old home. You laugh, you cry, you scream in terror. You stare at the moon.

The moon… stares back

Up next: Ivana Krankonovich's “Mouse Sounds for All Ages” played in double time and in reverse.

Good Night Hogwarts. Good Night.


	3. Chapter 3

Carlos spent his first few days at Hogwarts hopelessly lost. The moving staircases, disappearing doors, and trick steps all combine for him to be late to most classes. After that first week though, his classmates take a modicum of pity on him and teach him how to navigate the school.

After a few weeks, Carlos is able to, if he concentrates, make it to class on his own on time. If he doesn't concentrate, he generally finds himself stuck on a staircase heading to the wrong floor with some lost first years. Perhaps that's why he doesn't notice the fellow students who giggle and whisper about him in the hall, or how his new friends will smirk and shoot knowing glances at each other whenever the word 'perfect' comes up in conversation.

Even during class, though the whispers continue, Carlos doesn't notice. His full attention is spent on the task at hand because magic in America is apparently fundamentally different from magic in the United Kingdom. American witches and wizards practice their magic instinctually and don't tie it down so rigidly with the spoken incantations or wand movements that permeate English wizardry. There are spells, simple first year level spells, that Carlos struggles with, even while he excels at silent spells and some of the more advanced magical theories.

-

He might have some inkling though because Monique, a Hufflepuff he partners with during Potions, spends a majority of the class not spent on the actual potion work whispering to a Ravenclaw named Dana at the next table over. Carlos likes Monique; she's also a muggleborn and holds a similar fascination with magic in regards to science, though she's much more interested in magical medicine and hopes to work at St Mungo's after graduation.

“So,” Monique asks with feigned casualness as she drops the newt tears into their cauldron, “what do you do in the evenings? Read or…?”

Carlos shrugs and frowns at the instructions scrawled on the board before stirring the mixture 3 times counterclockwise and once clockwise. “I mostly just study in the dorm. It's quieter there than in the common room.”

Monique's eyes widen in surprise as she mixes the powdered eagle feathers, and when she turns back to Dana, Carlos can clearly hear her say, _“He doesn't_ _know_ _.”_

He wonders about that for almost 2 seconds until his potion turns a sickly shade of green and begins smelling strangely of lilacs, and it's pushed completely from his mind.

-

But even though Carlos doesn't notice much in the halls, he does notice one kid he passes on the way to Transfiguration. He's usually walking with that girl Dana, who always smiles and waves to Carlos in the halls. Even though, logically, he knows that must have been what first drew his attention to the boy, Carlos can't help a niggling little feeling in the back of his mind that says it was something else. He seems familiar and Carlos is sure they have at least one class together but he can never remember _what_.

It took Carlos what he considers an embarrassingly long time to realize the boy was a metamorphmagus. Though after this realization, he could look back and remember that, yes, every time he saw him, he looked slightly- if not completely- different. Well, not _completely,_ which Carlos took a little heart in. His eyes always remained the same bright purple and when they locked with Carlos's, the rest of his appearance didn't seem to matter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A metamorphmagus, in case it wasn't clear, are witches/wizards with the ability to change their appearance at will. Cecil is one because I love every single headcanon of his appearance and couldn't choose one.


	4. Chapter 4

Time is an illusion. Not even a particularly clever one. Roll your eyes at Time and encourage it to step up its game.

Welcome to Hogwarts.

Listeners! I have an exciting personal update that I'm _dying_ to tell you but… I'm afraid that must wait till after these reports. The news comes first, after all.

[Clears throat]

The major story today is of course the ongoing Quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. For nearly 6 hours, the Ravenclaw and Slytherin teams have been playing their hardest, but so far, no progress has been made in either direction. We here at the Radio station don't like to pass judgment but it appears to us that either those teams have _exceptional_ keepers or really lousy chasers. Students who have remained in the stands have reported being rather cold and increasingly frustrated at the teams' Seekers who could end the match in one move but have so far failed to find the snitch.

More on that story as it develops, possibly.

John Peters, you know, the Caretaker, says his crop of invisible corn is coming in splendidly this year, and that he is considering beginning an orange grove. “Nothing fancy. I just think fresh squeezed orange juice would be nice this time of year.”

When it was pointed out that orange trees were not suitable in this climate or in season by the perfect and beautiful Carlos, he just rolled his eyes. They stayed rolled with only the whites showing for several minutes before he walked away.

So if Carlos is correct, and I am inclined to believe that he is, we will _not_ be getting any oranges. But, then again, they said the same thing about invisible corn and now we can't get enough of it. I suppose we will just have to wait and see.

Speaking of Carlos, listeners, segue to my big, personal news: I spoke to Carlos today! It happened like this:

He was on his way out of the library, laden down with heavy, dusty books that you just _know_ means he's smart, and I was on my way to, well _here_ actually, when we accidentally bumped into each other. His books and papers went flying and oh, dear listeners, I was so embarrassed I went quite red!

Apologizing profusely, I bent to help him gather the scattered objects. Our fingers brushed as we both reached for the same quill, and I noticed that he was turning a quite pleasant shade of pink as well.

He smiled that shy little half smile, you know the one I'm talking about, and said, “Thank you, Cecil, right?”

“Yes,” I replied as we stood and I handed him the last of his books. “You're quite welcome.”

He smiled once more, this time widely, showing off those beautiful, perfect rows of teeth, before heading on his way.

I can't believe it, Carlos knows my name! And he smiled for _me,_ listeners, for _me_.

[sighing then clears throat]

In other news, there are reports of a cat hovering near the sinks in the 2nd floor boy's bathroom. The cat has not yet been identified but the reports claim it is _adorable_ even though it appears to be quite stuck in its position. Earl Harlan, 7 th year Hufflepuff, working in conjunction with the House Elves, has devised a temporary schedule to keep the cat fed and hydrated as it can't reach any surfaces on its own.

“The real problem,” Earl confided in me, “is what we're going to do when it needs to use the bathroom.” He shuddered then at the idea and left very shortly after, hurrying to speak to the Elves again.

Well, if you have any information on either the identity of the cat or the circumstances surrounding its current predicament or any ideas on how to deal with the litter-box problem, please let us know!

I bring you now to the Weather.

[[Pack Up Yout Troubles- Minnutes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASJAoKJtlp4)]

Well, good news to all you Quidditch fans, the match is finally over! In a stunning twist, with both teams still at nil and the snitch spotted, _both_ seekers caught it. According to Madame Lucero, “That's it, I'm calling it a tie! You can make it up later. I'm going to bed.” Then she stomped off to her rooms, muttering about the good old days when snitches were caught in a timely manner and by only one person.

Hiram McDaniels, the now five-headed Gryffindor captain, said this was the best match he'd ever witnessed. Well, his gray head said that. His blue head just shook itself sadly and looked away, while the others seemed completely uninterested in the goings on.

You can feel their eyes on you as you select the best one. It _has_ to be the best one you know, or the whole plan falls apart. But as you walk out, you can feel the eyes harden. You've made a mistake, a terrible, dreadful mistake. The eyes watch you as you begin to run but you know you won't get far.

This message has been brought to you by Madame Malkin's: For all your Wardrobe Needs.

An update on the cat in the 2nd floor boy's bathroom:

Over the break, I went to have a look at him, and _oh my god_ it is the _cutest_ cat I have ever seen, and I have seen a _lot_ of cats, listeners. So far, no one has claimed him as their own, or found a way to get him down from his fixed spot next to the sink, but he is able to move around a little and will pur and rub against you as you're washing your hands.

When I was in there, suddenly all the faucets turned on their hottest, steaming up the mirrors. In this steam, letters were clearly written:

His name is Khoshekh.

Thank you Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In All Of Our Dorms for shedding a little light on the situation!

Khoshekh is simply the _cutest,_ listeners. Well, _second_ cutest I guess, after our dear, perfect Carlos and his perfect, beautiful hair.

Stay tuned for 18 hours of silent tears and desperation accompanied by the scratching of quills on parchment.

Good Night Hogwarts. Good Night.


	5. Chapter 5

There was a whisper in Carlos' ear. He turned sharply, expecting to find a classmate or maybe Cecil- _and that thought made his heart jitter excitedly_ \- but there was no one there. Shrugging that strangeness off, he returned to the books spread around him.

There was another whisper and the distinct feeling of a fingernail tracing along the back of Carlos' neck. He froze, trying to keep his breathing calm, even as his brain raced for an explanation. “Uh. Hello?”

The fingernail disappeared but the hair on the back of his neck remained raised. There was a noise that sounded vaguely like a thousand spiders wading through cereal- _Carlos was_ _n_ _'t sure how he knew what that sounded like, but it_ _did_ _-_ and a faint laugh, the kind of laugh you hear in a crowded place and become immediately self-conscious, before one of the books slammed open and a note fluttered out. Gradually, the eerie feeling of being watched faded into the usual background level and Carlos reached out for the note.

_Stay in the Common Room this evening._

_Trust me._

Carlos didn't really trust the mysterious note leaver, but he also didn't really want to cross them either. He turned the note over a few times, looking for some kind of signature, and, on the third turn, he was surprised to find a previously unseen writing scrawled on the back.

 _Also you should floss more often_.

Later, when Carlos was dropping his stuff in his room before dinner, he noticed that his spare pair of shoes were filled with packets of Toothflossing Stringmints.

Yeah, _definitely_ staying in the Common Room tonight.

* * *

 

The Common Room quieted down a little when Carlos entered and set up his stuff at a table by the window. He smiled at a few of his friends then sat and promptly began ignoring the rest of the House. Behind his back, the other Ravenclaws looked at each other, gesturing wildly in a silent argument. Finally, a 7th year who'd had her nose buried in a book and hadn't contributed to the silent argument, lifted her wand and flicked it twice.

The noise fell again as an old radio on the mantelpiece sparked to life and Cecil's voice crackled through the air.

“ _\- light. Welcome to Hogwarts."_

* * *

 

 

Carlos was vaguely aware that there was a radio on, and that Cecil apparently hosted the show. Carlos didn't know that before, but the smooth tones of his voice definitely suited it. He stayed focused on his work, letting the radio fade into the back of his mind.

“… _my dear, perfect-”_

Carlos dipped his quill in his inkpot.

“ _-wonderful Carlos-”_

The ink nearly spilled as Carlos jerked up in surprise. Cecil was talking about him. Specifically, he was going on a tangent about his hair and Carlos could feel a blush heat his cheeks. He glanced around surreptitiously at his housemates who continued on as if this was a regular, daily segment.

Carlos started. Maybe it was. He'd never heard the show before but the others obviously had, and Cecil gushing over his hair _(another blush)_ sparked no reaction but fond eye rolling. Apparently Cecil had been broadcasting this crush to the whole school for a while, and Carlos tried to think about how that made him feel- that he was the last to know. Mostly, he concluded, as Cecil gave one last longful sigh over his eyes _(Carlos had always thought they were just plain, boring brown hidden behind his glasses, but on Cecil's tongue they were the best and brightest jewels_ _)_ and continued on to another, actual, news story, it made him feel embarrassed. But, not in a bad way. In a way that made him feel as if he'd just drunk a gallon of Giddiness potion.

Carlos noticed a few of his housemates glancing at him, obviously curious/concerned over how he would react to this. Carlos flushed and ducked his head back over his work, but he made no move to leave the Common Room till Cecil said the final Good Night.

* * *

 

A week later, Carlos was studying hard in the library. He'd settled in early and was only vaguely aware that the tables around him were being filled.

“Um… do you mind sharing?” A soft voice broke Carlos' concentration. He blinked up at the blurry figure standing before him, pushed up his glasses from where they'd slipped to the end of his nose, and blinked again. Cecil tugged on the sleeve of his robe and smiled shyly. Today, his hair was long and dark, braided neatly over his shoulder, the end secured with a purple ribbon that perfectly matched his eyes.

Carlos smiled in greeting and shook his head before moving some of his books around to make room.

“Thanks,” Cecil murmured as he sat. He seemed perfectly calm, not much like the boy who'd spent a good five minutes last night going on about how perfect Carlos' hair is. As Carlos was thinking this, Cecil took a not so sneaky peek up at him. He ducked his head immediately with a blush and a bright red streak running through his hair. Hmm, interesting.

The same thing happened the next day, and they worked for a few hours in companionable silence. The third day began the same as the others- with soft smiles and a quiet exchange of greetings, but it took a turn for, almost definitely, the better.

This day, they only worked for a short while before Cecil huffed in frustration and slammed his book shut as hard as he dared- even angry he didn't want to risk the wrath of the librarian. Carlos, startled from his paper on the proper wand movements for invisibility charms, pushed up his glasses and looked up at Cecil who, in his sulking state, had turned his- previously ginger- hair dark blue.

“What's wrong?” Carlos asked quietly.

Cecil perked up immediately, as if he'd forgotten Carlos was there, and his hair turned a dusty shade of pink. (Carlos made a mental note to find a book on Metamorphmagi and see if there was a level of involuntary transformations and what they might mean.) “Oh, Carlos! It's this essay for Muggle Studies on the 'Indus-trial Revolution.' None of it makes any sense!” He sighed dramatically and dropped his head to the table.

Carlos but back a smile at the drama- and Cecil's mispronunciation of _Indu_ _s_ _trial_ \- and quietly moved to the other side of the table. “Here,” Carlos put his hand on the paper in question next to Cecil's own, “let me see.”

Cecil, who'd lifted his head and was watching Carlos with wide, starstruck eyes, nodded eagerly and slid him the half-finished essay.

Carlos read through it quickly, then leaned toward Cecil to quietly point out the inaccuracies and explain the finer details of the revolution- _“No Cecil, there was no machine uprising”_ \- and its impact on Muggle society. Cecil, for his part, listened intently and asked intelligent questions; Carlos knew he was concentrating especially hard because freckles kept popping up over his skin.

When they left the library later, Cecil stopped in the corridor and thanked him profusely. Without hesitation, Carlos replied, “That's what friends are for, right?” Cecil's wide grin and sudden shock of violet hair made Carlos blush and stammer before mumbling his goodbye.

That night there wasn't, as Carlos had assumed there would be, a play by play of the interaction. Instead, Cecil smiled- and Carlos was a little surprised that he could tell Cecil's expression from his voice- throughout the broadcast (which was _slightly_ disturbing during the account of the Potions explosion that sent four first years to the hospital wing). His only mention of the incident was in relation to the bizarre Clock incident: _“My friend Carlos- and yes, listeners, Carlos himself said today that we are friends-”_ here was a wide grin- _“said…”_

The next day in the library when Cecil offered to help Carlos with some basic Transfiguration spells that had been causing Carlos trouble, he accepted it gratefully. They kept up these little study sessions. Carlos doesn't mention that he listens to the radio show and Cecil keeps his love-stricken self to the air.

Sometimes when they're both working independently and the library is quiet except for the muffled click of the librarian's heels, Carlos considers the inches between them. How easy it would be to lean in a little bit more and let their shoulders and arms brush. How simple it would be to just intertwine their fingers… But then Cecil will look up with a smile- the one Carlos has privately deemed his smile- and a question, and Carlos pushes these thoughts from his mind.


	6. Chapter 6

You can't see the forest for the trees. They surround you stealthily until there is no way out. There was never any forest- only trees.

Welcome to Hogwarts.

Well listeners, there have been multiple reports of strange, flickering lights deep within the Forbidden Forest. The Forest, I must remind everyone, is Forbidden, and must not be spoken of too often or even _thought_ of too loud. The Mysterious Cloaked Figures tend to get agitated whenever there is a conversation or loud thoughts centered around the Forest.

We approached Pamela Winchell for a comment on the strange lights. She rolled her eyes at us and said, “It's just the bees guys. They're in season you know.” Thank you Pamela for clearing that up!

Now with… wait [papers shuffling; muted whispering] I'm getting _another_ report that claims bees don't produce flickering lights. In fact, they don't produce ANY kind of light. Pamela Winchell was either mistaken in her comment, or knowingly _lied_ to us. At this time, it is unclear which.

Assistant Dana has gone to investigate the claims of several students that the lights are really the Ministry testing new spells. She is going to attempt an interview with one of the Mysterious Cloaked Figures who, probably, won't harm her. Good luck Dana!

You are falling, falling, falling. You're not sure how long you've been falling or how far. Maybe you only fell a second ago and will hit the ground soon. Maybe you've been falling for eternity as civilizations rose and crumbled around you. You are falling.

This has been your O.W.L. Fun Fact Study Corner. Today's lesson: Divination.

Some of you may remember Khoshekh, the cat who has been stuck floating in the 2nd floor boy's bathroom? Well, thanks to Earl Harlan and the House Elves, he is doing fantastic! I _know_ I've said it before, listeners, but Khoshekh is just the  cutest cat, even if he _can't_ move from his spot near the sink.

He's been there for a while now, and, since no one has claimed him, we can only assume that he is a stray. There has also been no new information as to _how_ he got stuck in his current position, so we have taken to wild speculation. Professor Rigadow thinks that it was the work of a seriously evil wizard… or just a really incompetent one. “It's a toss up really. Either the cat will kill us all or it's just a cat.” Professor Rigadow, I must remind you, is not _technically_ a professor at Hogwarts. She is the transient that currently lives in the Not-So-Secret secret tunnel from Hogwarts to Honeydukes and claims to be a Professor of  Life.

Oh! Listeners, I have an update from Dana! Her trusty owl, Siri, has just dropped off her report.

[Papers rustling, and when he begins to speak again, it's in Dana's voice]

“Cecil, I went down to the edge of the Forest to try and find one of the Mysterious Cloaked Figures who lurk there. And I did! I found one and he- or she I guess; I couldn't really tell much through the shapeless cloak and menacing aura- _**they**_ stayed still long enough for me to ask a few questions about the lights. They were silent for a few long minutes before they let out a shrill whistle and rose into the air. I watched on as they began spinning, still whistling like a tea kettle, faster and faster, but their cloak… their cloak didn't even flutter. I stayed, frozen in fascination and fear, but when they began moving closer towards me, I ran. I  know they probably wouldn't harm me, but I didn't want to take the chance.

“I ran until I couldn't hear the whistling anymore, and I stopped to get my bearings. I _must_ have run into the Forest because I am surrounded by trees- enormous, imposing trees- and the canopy above is so thick that almost no light is reaching me. I'm sending Siri with this update, and I'll try to find my way back as soon as I can.”

[voice returns to normal]

Siri flew off immediately after delivering Dana's message, so I expect we'll hear from her again soon.

John Peters, you know the Caretaker, has begun growing his orange crop. The trees are already mature and the fruit just ready for picking!

Carlos, perfect Carlos, wandered through the trees earlier, examining them and the oranges. His investigation didn't show anything abnormal, but that just seemed to concern Carlos even more. Side note listeners, with his strong brow furrowed in concentration and concern, he looked- if it's even possible to imagine- even _more_ beautiful.“It doesn't make _sense_ ,” Carlos mumbled in frustration, turning what appeared to be a perfectly ordinary orange over in his hands. “It's magic. There _should_ be abnormal reading!”

So, even though the oranges are perfectly normal, Carlos still warned me against eating them or drinking any of their juice, just in case. Isn't that so sweet, listeners? Carlos is concerned about me! He's _so perfect._

[feathers and papers rustling]

Listeners, there's another update from Dana!

[voice changes to Dana's]

“Cecil, I'm afraid I'm lost. Well, I'm not _afraid_ , though I _am_ lost. I know I _should_ be afraid, but for some reason, since I ran from the Mysterious Cloaked Figure, I haven't felt afraid of any of the many frightening things here in the Forest. I headed in a direction I thought would lead back to the castle, but the trees kept getting bigger and more ominous. I turned around to head back the way I came, but somehow the direction I went just led me deeper into the forest.

[voice drops to a whisper]

“ _Oh wait! I think I hear something… clicking? I'm going to investigate. Siri will be able to find her way back to you.”_

[clears throat. Voice returns to normal]

Well listeners, now seems as good a time as any to go to… The Weather.

[[Bitty Boppy Betty- Pink Martini](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emFCNJBOBFI)]

Well, as we could all hear, there is a storm brewing, just on the other side of the Forbidden Forest. It's going to be a BIG one, listeners, full of magic and unexpected surprises. It should be here tomorrow evening and last for a few days, so prepare accordingly: call in all pets, don't expect any mail- and if you get any, don't trust it- and try not to leave the safety of the castle walls. All Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures classes will be suspended till the storm passes, as will any Quidditch practices. Madame Lucero has said this ban will stand, no matter how many people complain or petition. “We don't want a repeat of Nazr al-Mujaheed do we?” She gave us a meaningful look, and we had to agree. His tongue never _did_ seem to fit quite right after.

Oh listeners, a storm like this makes me quite homesick. As you may or may not know, my hometown of Night Vale- a small wizarding community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights passed overhead as we all pretended to sleep- has the second highest yearly average of magical storms. The first, of course, is the Traveling City of Calcifer in the Middle East- or South America- or Russia, I think, was their latest destination.

But, and maybe I'm a little biased because Night Vale is my home, nothing can beat the lash of magical energy on the roof, walls and floors of a secured building. Even now, I strain to hear just a hint of thunder from the storm.

[sighs, clear throat]

But now, a word from our sponsors:

In a lonely desert, far, _far_ from here, there is a man. You do not know him but he looks vaguely familiar. Maybe he's an old family friend you've only seen in photo albums, or maybe he was famous for a short stint in the 80s. You're not sure, but, then again, neither is he anymore. He wanders the desert searching for… something. He mutters under his breath in a language you cannot understand. Or, maybe you can and are just blocking out the information. He kneels suddenly and begins clawing at the sand, digging and digging and digging. The light fades, the shadows grow long, the sand piles dangerously high beside him, and he continues to dig. In a lonely desert, far, far from here, there is a man.

The Three Broomsticks: Drown Those Memories in Butterbeer!

Good news listeners! Assistant Dana has returned from the Forbidden Forest! Apparently, she met some rather friendly, and quite large, spiders who helped her find her way. They tried to eat her first, of course, but once she explained why she was there and showed them her _official_ Hogwarts Radio press badge, they happily agreed to show her _what_ the flickering lights were!

Dana said they led her even deeper int the forest, so deep she could barely see her own hands, let alone the trees. But finally, they pushed through a bush and stepped into a mid-sized clearing. In the middle of this clearing stood an empty stage and, floating around the stage, were hundreds- maybe thousands- of clear crystal balls, each one projecting a different color- even some Dana hadn't seen before.

“What is it?” she asked in awe as the lights flickered and danced around each other, illuminating the stage and shining off through the trees.

“Pink Floyd Tribute Light Show.”

After watching what the spider's claim was “Comfortably Numb,” they led Dana back to the edge of the Forest. The Mysterious Cloaked Figure was still there, still hovering and spinning, but once the spiders clicked their pincers at them, they floated away and out of sight. Dana thanked them, and they clicked in farewell before bleeding back into the Forest.

Well, what a surprisingly positive ending to that story! As a storm slowly creeps over the horizon, I bid you, with heart full of something you can't define and eyes full of unshed tears, adieu.

Up next: a play-by-play of the 1967 Quidditch World Cup as reported by your great aunt Ida who wants you to _write, dear. Please. We worry._

Good Night Hogwarts. Good Night.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Carlos was confused by The Weather segment. Not because the weather at Hogwarts was particularly interesting, but because of the segment itself. It was always just a song, yet everyone treated it as if it was a detailed weather report. He supposed that must be just another 'One of Those Things' that being American made different.

As for the actual weather itself, this time Carlos was more interested than anything else. He had seen plenty of magical storms. In America, where magic is much more fluid and less constricted, they're fairly common in magical communities and in the wide, untamed areas like the prairie or desert. But here, it seemed, the storms could be very different from what he was used to.

-

The next day as other students called in all their pets and the professors checked the security of the castle's charms, Carlos was making preparations of his own.

Carlos has studied some storms back at the University of What It Is, but he wasn't sure how similar a British magic storm would be to an American one. He had brought some of the equipment he would need with him and managed to borrow some other things from Professor Regis.

-

He mentioned his plan to Monique as they left Potions that day.

“Where are you going to be?” Monique asked as she finished packing up her bags.

“The Astronomy Tower if I can get Professor Crayton to let me.”

Monique nodded in consideration, “Okay, but you're going to need to check how far the protective charms extend over the Observation Desk. Trust me, you don't want to get caught by a stray gust.”

Carlos considered this with surprise. Monique wasn't the first person to act as if he could get seriously injured by the storm. He'd thought the others might be just a little bit paranoid, but apparently, British magic storms really _are_ dangerous. Weird. While American ones have been known to cause some strange things to happen, they weren't _that_ dangerous, and muggles routinely went through them with only a minor idea that something out of the ordinary had happened.

“Well, would you like to join me?” Carlos offered. “I could use another pair of eyes, and someone who knows their way around these kinds of storms.”

Monique studied him for a second before shaking her head, “I really only know the basics. But, you know… Cecil is kind of an expert, and I'm sure he'd _love_ to help you study them.”

Carlos blushed and fiddled with the strap of his bag, “Yeah… but won't he be busy with the show? I wouldn't want to take him away from that…”

Smirking, just a little bit, Monique shook her head, “The storms mess with the radio transmissions, so he won't be able to do his show.”

Carlos thought this over as they continued walking. He and Cecil _were_ friends, and Cecil had said his hometown had a lot of storms. And, even though he had trouble with some higher level charms, he _was_ smart. And he was helpful, like when he helped Carlos with Transfiguration. Which reminded him…

Carlos glanced at his watch and started; it was later than he had thought. “Oh, sorry! I've got to get to the library! I'll talk to you later.”

Monique waved him on with a smile, and he got halfway down the corridor before she called after him. “Hey, good luck! But if you _do_ get some side effects will you let me study you?”

“Sure thing!” Carlos yelled back at her, and Monique's laughter followed him down the corridor.

-

Like Monique had predicted, Cecil was ecstatic at the prospect of studying the storm with Carlos. Now, Carlos was setting up the equipment in the Astronomy Tower, watching the storm clouds approaching and waiting for Cecil to arrive. When the storm hit and he wasn't there yet, Carlos was a little worried, but he knew that Cecil knew what he was doing. A moment or so later, the door to the Observation Deck swung open and Cecil stepped through, shaking something that looked like pink sugar icing out of his hair.

“Sorry I'm late. I got held up in the kitchens, but look!” Cecil opened up his satchel and showed the contents to Carlos. “I got some snacks so we could have a picnic!”

-

Carlos was right. Magic storms in Britain were _very_ different from those in America. He had a theory that the intensity of the storms were directly related to the climate of the area.

All the equipment was up and running, and without anything they really need to _do_ , they were watching the storm. Cecil had brought a blanket for their picnic, and they were laid out on it eating, Carlos listening intently as Cecil told stories about all the storms he had seen.

“Oh, Night Vale has storms like this one _all_ the time. Bigger ones usually. They're _magnificent,_ ”Cecil sighed wistfully.

Carlos peeked at him from the corner of his eye. Underneath the green glow of one particular cloud that seemed as interested in them as they were in it _(Carlos made a mental note to see if anyone had done research on sentient clouds before_ _)_ , Cecil's violet eyes seemed to glow, and there was something there, some of that wistfulness and nostalgia that made Carlos' heart stutter pleasantly.

“Night Vale sounds like a fascinating place.”

Cecil smiled, sincere and beautiful and Carlos' heart stuttered again. “I'll show you one day,” he promised.

Carlos returned Cecil's smile, and, with a deep breath, he placed a hand on Cecil's knee. He didn't say anything, too nervous and he knew if he tried the words would come out all wrong. Cecil seemed to understand though, and a moment later, his head was leaning against Carlos' shoulder.

They sat like that in silence for a while longer, just watching the storm and letting the magic wash around them.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Hearts beat rapidly in your chest. They are not all yours. You better run faster or expect to be caught.

Welcome to Hogwarts.

Valentine's day is right around the corner, listeners! The day for love and happiness and heartbreak. The day to confess to your crush and go on a date or indulge yourself with boxes of chocolate from Honeyduke's.

And of course, we also have a Hogsmeade weekend scheduled. There are plenty of places to visit and things to do on Valentine's in the village. Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop is offering a special, Buy One Get One on all teas and coffees for Hogwarts students. And Tomes and Scrolls will be hosting an event for singles. And of course, there are the old favorites: the Three Broomsticks, Honeyduke's, Zonko's.

Speaking of dates listeners, I _really_ think Carlos is going to ask me out for Valentine's. It's kind of been inevitable since 'The Storm,' and this seems like the perfect time to _officially_ start dating. Fingers crossed!

In honor of the upcoming holiday, Professor Sultan and her third year Divination students have provided us with special romantic horoscopes!

 **Aries** : Romance is in the air today, just over the north of France. If you don't happen to be near the north of France then chances are you're going to strike out again throughout this week.

 **Taurus** : We see… sweet, sticky, orange stuff. Possibly marmalade or an orange lolly. We're not quite sure what it is, or what it has to do with you today… but it definitely features. If you don't like orange - don't panic! It might taste like something completely different, like sausages. Or beans. Yes, it could be beans.

 **Gemini** : This is a test horoscope. You should never receive this unless for some reason you are at odds with the Stars. Are you at odds?

 **Cancer** : Heaven knows what kinds of things are going to happen you today. All I'm able to tell you is that it's going to be hectic and possibly traumatic. It's hard though because that could just be what's on telly, and not what's going to happen to you. It's a hard life being an divinator and trying to see exactly what's going to happen to YOU. Specifically You. Sorry.

 **Leo** : The light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds with a special someone. The light is a little bit blinding though, so you might want to duck out of the way when it gets within touching distance, or possibly even turn around. But don't turn around for too long or the light will be gone. We think it's a light. We've discussed it, and it's either a light or a brick.

 **Virgo** : Cheating is going to occur within the next day, although it is unsure who is at fault. It could, actually, just be in a game of cards.

 **Libra** : True Love is only ever one step away. But then so is its ever present bosom-buddies, Abject Failure and Humiliation. You may start to wonder this week why True Love chooses to keep such rotten company.

 **Scorpio** : Gold, Silver, Jewels. They're all smashing but ruddy expensive. You might want to lower your expectations if the stars are informing correctly. Indeed, you'll be lucky to get a plastic spoon as a gift than any of the above.

 **Sagittarius** : Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady, you might think. But later on this week you might be thinking, "Well, now that just seems like a fairly standard amount of lady."

 **Capricorn** : Love comes in all shapes and sizes. By the time you come to yours, all the good shapes and sizes will have gone.

 **Aquarius** : A special someone will furnish you with a gift today. All signs point to it being a single shoe, possibly a brogue.

 **Pisces** : You set your sights too high, it's time to lower them in order to find true love. Be aware that marrying your own pets is not allowed in most countries.

This has been Horoscopes.

Now, a word from our sponsors:

Make it a great day or not. The choice is completely out of your control. You can pray to a being you've forgotten for the outcome you wish, but it's already been decided. All you can really do is hope that being has a sense of humor.

Honeyduke's. You _will_ come to us.

Listeners, Assistant Dana has suggested that you all send in your own Valentine's advice! Obviously, we're all different and it's easy for even some simple things to slip our minds

And now, the weather.

[[Beijo Roubado em Segredo- Tat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9tDp4P-W_E&list=PLGxchb--SVWxm0idstxoEKwwFuQHeNnR6&index=7)a [Aeroplano/ Juliano Polimeno](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9tDp4P-W_E&list=PLGxchb--SVWxm0idstxoEKwwFuQHeNnR6&index=7)]

Over the break, you have sent in dozens and dozens of notes of advice, listeners! Assistants Dana and Maureen have been reading through them and picked out some of the very best tips and tricks to make this Valentine's a perfect one.

“ _Don't forget flowers and chocolates.”_ Solid advice, but, oh, here's another one that say, _“Flowers and chocolate are overdone. Do something original and from the heart to really win them over.”_ Well, either way, don't forget to do _something_.

“ _DEFINITELY mention if they're wearing something nice or have done something special to their hair. They'll appreciate that you noticed, and if you don't you'll be in BIG trouble.”_

“ _Enchanting inanimate objects to sing and dance for them might_ seem _like a good idea but make sure you actually know what you're doing or it will all go terribly wrong.”_

Well, that's all the time we have for that segment. Thank you, listeners, for sending in your advice, even if we didn't get to it!

And with that, stay- [papers rustling] wait… Assistant Maureen has handed me another note. We've already finished that section, but she's gesturing pretty emphatically for me to read it, so let's see what it says… Oh! It's from my dear Carlos!

“ _Cecil, would you like to spend Valentine's Day with me in Hogsmeade?”_

Oh Carlos, yes! I'd love to spend the day with you! Ah, listeners, everything is turning out _perfectly_.

Stay tuned _now_ for a rerun of last year's in depth investigation into fine point quills.

With our hearts on our sleeves and romance in our hearts, I wish you Good Night Hogwarts. Good Night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Horoscopes courtesy of laughsend.com


	9. Chapter 9

Carlos was good at a lot of things. Science, math, magic, research. The list goes on and on. Dating, unfortunately, was _not_ one of those things. None of his crushes had ever recirprocated his feelings, and he'd never really liked the people who liked him.

When he was 12, his first real crush was on a girl named Jo, one of his best friends. Jo, though, liked another girl named Amanda. Then, he was 14 and there was an older boy named Raymond- _NOT Ray-_ whose smirk made Carlos' heart stutter. But Raymond was aromantic, and it just wasn't meant to be.

There were some people who'd liked him as well, but he'd never been that interested. But his parents always said to try anything once, so he would suffer through stiff, awkward dates, just waiting for it to be over.

But now… he had someone who liked him _and_ that he liked in return, and he _really_ wanted this date to go smoothly.

-

Cecil was wearing his best tunic and furry pants and was leaning against a fence just outside of Hogsmeade waiting for Carlos. When Carlos came into view on the path from the castle, Cecil smiled widely and waved enthusiastically. Carlos grinned at the sight but tugged a little self-conciously at his own cloak, wishing now that he'd dressed up a little bit more. Cecil didn't seem to mind being the dressier of the two, and they walked to the Three Broomsticks arm in arm.

Carlos was nervous, but Cecil was surprisingly calm. Or maybe he was just really good at hiding his own nerves. He chattered away about this and that as they walked, and, by the time they reached the doors, Carlos was relaxed enough to keep up a conversation. They managed to get a small table to themselves and they talked. Just them and their butterbeer and a blooming haze of romance in the air.

Afterwords, they took a stroll through Hogsmeade. There was snow on the ground, but the sky was clear. It was just them and the buildings and the crowds of fellow students and residents going about their Valentine's plans.

“If you want,” Carlos said hesitantly, “we could do some tests on the Shrieking Shack. It's got this reputation that doesn't really match up with what I've observed in passing.” _Stupid,_ Carlos thought harshly to himself. _You don't_ _do_ _ **tests**_ _on a date._

But Cecil broke through those negative thoughts with a smile and eager agreement. So they walked to the Shrieking Shack, passing several other Hogwarts students on the way who were surrounded by a sparkling, glittery smoke. Carlos wondered at that for a moment, but Cecil was talking and tugging at his hand, so he let it go for then. The Shack was mostly deserted because most people didn't really go to haunted house on dates, and they performed their tests. Well… Carlos did some tests and Cecil helped out a little, but didn't really understand what exactly they were testing or why. At one point, Cecil stroked Carlos' cheek. Carlos didn't seem to notice, too concentrated on the sample he was collecting.

After the shack, they walked back to the castle. On the way, they saw more and more students who'd been affected by the glittery smoke curse. They stopped at the bottom of the staircase that led to the Ravenclaw dorm. “Well,” Carlos said, pointing up the stairs, “this is me.”

“Uh-huh,” Cecil said, and Carlos was pretty sure he wasn't just imagining the way Cecil's eyes flickered down to his lips.

“I should probably do something about this 'glittery smoke' curse,” Carlos said awkwardly after a moment. “A few experiments, to see if I can save the castle.”

“Oh?” Cecil asked. “Do you need any help with that?”

Carlos considered this; he really did. He thought about inviting Cecil up to the dorm, about sitting close to him as they worked out a counter-curse, about how beautiful Cecil's eyes would look in the flickering light from the fire… Carlos flushed. “No,” he said hurriedly. “I can do it on my own.”

“Oh.” Cecil's voice was softer this time, sadder, and Carlos acted before he had time to really think about it and reconsider. He leaned forward and kissed Cecil gently. Just before slipping up the stairs and into his dorm.

On the walk up the stairs, Carlos could feel himself flushing and he was so flustered by the time he reached the door, he could barely answer the riddle: _I am just two and two, I am warm, I am cold, And the parent of numbers that cannot be told. I am lawful, unlawful -- a duty, a fault, I am often sold dear, good for nothing when bought; An extraordinary boon, and a matter of course, And yielded with pleasure when taken by force._ But as the door shut behind him, Carlos made himself focus on the glittery smoke problem. He could freak out about Cecil later.

-

“… And then he kissed me, dear listeners! Just once. Just… gently. Before he went and saved the school from that bothersome glittery smoke curse. It may not have been the date I was expecting, but, like my dear, wonderful Carlos, it was _perfect._ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The riddle was by William Cowper. Answer: a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy! Merry Christmas!


End file.
